Chapter 76: The Victim is the Emperor
This novel is translated and hosted on bcatranslation.
“The Divine Flower has bloomed. Beloved minister, return home for the New Year,” the Emperor declared, a rare smile tugging at his lips as he exited the Hall of Sacrifice.
“Your hard work is appreciated,” he added.
The Minister of Rites stood agape, unable to close his mouth. With hurried steps, he dashed back into the hall, eyes wide as he beheld the miraculous sight. There it stood—a radiant and dewy Divine Flower, blooming more gloriously than in any year past.
Shaking uncontrollably, the Minister of Rites and the Minister of the Court of Judicial Review fell to their knees with a resounding thud.
“Blessings upon Northern Zhao! Blessings upon Northern Zhao! The common people will surely express their gratitude to the gods for their grace!” Their reverence was absolute as they prostrated themselves in devout worship.
“Your Majesty, how did you make the flower bloom?”
“How did you invoke the gods’ response?” The Vice Minister of Rites’ gaze burned with curiosity.
The Emperor waved a hand dismissively. “We can discuss it later. Official Zhou, hurry home for the New Year. You might still catch the Lantern Festival.”
With that, he personally picked up Lu Chao Chao, a soft smile lingering as he strode away.
…
Back in the Imperial Study, the Emperor’s smile remained unbroken. “Bring some snacks that won’t fill a child’s stomach—something suitable for little ones,” he ordered. Then he gently placed Lu Chao Chao on the Dragon Throne.
[In this world, who else dares to sit where I sit?]
No one. But Lu Chao Chao could.
Sending all attendants away, the Emperor pulled out an ancient tome. The book’s cover was marked with mysterious diagrams, its age evident in every crease.
“This is the Divine Book, a sacred relic gifted by the Southern Kingdom for worshiping the gods,” he explained solemnly. “The Southern Kingdom venerates their Divine Attendants and knows the gods better than any. For years, nations have followed the rites laid out in this book. It details the gods’ preferences and taboos.”
He placed it before her.
Lu Chao Chao stared blankly, pointing at herself in confusion. Her tiny body barely reached the table even while seated on the throne. She clambered up, finally standing at eye level with the book.
Seeing this, the Emperor sighed, lifting her onto the table itself. To give her a proper perch, he grabbed a memorial from her father, Marquis Zhongyong, and placed it beneath her.
“It’s all drivel anyway,” he muttered.
Lu Chao Chao blinked at him, her expression innocent but puzzled. Then, puffing out her chest, she slapped it with her little hands.
“Illa-terate!” she declared proudly.
The Emperor froze for a moment before bursting into laughter. Meanwhile, the Crown Prince, who had just entered, couldn’t contain himself either.
[Why are you so proud of being illiterate?!]
Helpless, the Crown Prince took the book and began explaining. “The Judicial Deity Zong Bai is a stern god who values rules and order. His worship is the most demanding, but his blessings are also the most bountiful.
“Every step of his rituals must be exact. No mistakes are tolerated. According to the Divine Book, yearly sacrifices require the slaughter of pigs and sheep, with uninterrupted offerings of incense to display reverence.”
Hearing this, Lu Chao Chao furiously pounded the table. Her tiny, soft palms quickly turned red, and her face scrunched in pain.
“Lie! Lies!” she cried.
Her mind flashed with memories:
Zong Bai sneaking her pea pudding.
Him hollowing out her spiritual melons to scoop the flesh, then peeing inside before sealing them back up.
When she had harvested the melon, the scene left her speechless.
[Strict adherence to rules? Hah! He’s the worst troublemaker of them all!]
The Crown Prince continued, “The Spring Deity Chun Shen governs seasonal changes. She adores the freshness of wind and rain. Offerings for her must be prepared a year in advance, timed perfectly with the Twenty-Four Solar Terms such as Spring Begins, Rain Water, Awakening of Insects, and so on. She is the most ethereal of the gods, unsullied by mortal flaws.”
Lu Chao Chao grimaced.
[Unsullied? Lies! All lies!]
She knew full well Chun Shen’s favorite pastime: reading smutty storybooks.
“Not listening! Not listening!” She covered her ears. “All nonsense!”
Defeated, the Emperor had the Crown Prince take the Divine Book away. Yet Lu Chao Chao remained eager.
“Paint!” she demanded, holding out her tiny hands.
The Emperor feigned ignorance. “Paint?”
She held up her little fingers, rubbing them meaningfully. “Paint! Red!”
He sighed. “Children under one shouldn’t wear nail polish. It’s toxic if you bite your nails.”
Seeing her eyes welling up with tears, the Emperor quickly added, “But you can paint someone else’s nails.”
Her tears disappeared, replaced by a radiant smile as she turned to the Crown Prince. A chill ran down his spine.
Sure enough, the Emperor raised his hand. “You can’t paint me if you paint him first.”
The Crown Prince’s knees buckled. “Father… My life matters too!”
But Lu Chao Chao was already clutching the nail polish bottle, her face beaming with joy.
“Pretty! So pretty! Red! So red!” she chanted as she picked the most vivid shade.
Cornered, the Crown Prince stammered, “Chao Chao, how about someone else? Let’s paint Eunuch Wang’s nails instead.”
The eunuch shook his head, trembling. “Your Highness, please spare me. I have served you loyally!”
“Emperor uncle…” Lu Chao Chao’s lip quivered. “Together with big brother prince!”
The Crown Prince sighed, resigned. [If Father’s nails are painted, no one will dare mock me.]
Faced with her pitiful gaze, the Emperor reluctantly extended his hand. “For the people… For the empire…” he muttered as she painted his nails with meticulous care.
The chill of the polish seeped into his fingertips and heart alike. Today felt agonizingly long. He regretted eating that Eight-Treasure Duck.
“So pretty!” Lu Chao Chao exclaimed, admiring her handiwork.
“Big brother prince, your turn!” she declared, grinning.
The Crown Prince surrendered, sitting down for his turn. Then came her next command:
“Shoes off!”
Both men removed their shoes and socks, exposing their toes in unison, bracing for the bright red polish. Eunuch Wang stared at the ceiling, pretending to see nothing. The scene—an Emperor and Crown Prince getting pedicures—was one for the ages.
The Emperor sighed deeply. [Why? Why did a fight between Lu Chao Chao and a dog make me the victim?]
lol they can’t even resist xD