Chapter 33
Chapter 33: What Are You Barking About?
An E-rank magic beast’s three heads didn’t share thoughts the way an A-rank could.
They only knew one thing: Old Three had taken a bite of Qian Qi… and then immediately passed out.
Qian Qi’s creepy little grin didn’t help her case.
The magic lightning lion’s powerful hind legs shifted back. Its claws scraped the dirt as it lowered into a charging stance, hostility blazing in its eyes.
Qian Qi didn’t flinch. She swallowed the Earth Tuber Fruit hidden under her tongue, baring her teeth right back. Then she stepped her right leg behind her, braced like a sprinter.
The next second, she screamed, “Aaaaaah!”
And charged heroically.
She got headbutted into the sky.
She arced through the air like a doomed butterfly and slammed into a black iron tree hard enough to crack it down the middle.
“Ow. Damn. That hit had power.”
She groaned, holding her waist as she staggered upright. The lion came barreling toward her again.
Qian Qi sucked in a breath. “Come on.”
Her expression turned feral, like getting launched had only made her stronger out of spite. She flexed her stiff right hand and tracked the charge.
The left head roared like it was cheering Old One on.
The horned middle head lowered, aiming that lightning horn straight at her.
Qian Qi stabilized her stance, then at the last moment sprinted left, slipping out of the direct line. As the beast surged past, she grabbed Old Two’s exposed teeth.
The momentum nearly ripped her arm out of its socket, but she held on and let the charge carry her—diagonally—right into Old Two’s mouth.
Her battered flip-flop jammed against the corner of its jaw.
Qian Qi’s eyes went cold. She drove the Cloudthorn Sunflower straight into its tongue.
Old Two roared, a shockwave blasting from its throat and rattling Qian Qi’s skull. Her ears rang.
She bit down on the sunflower’s stem so she wouldn’t lose it. With her free hand, she smeared venom from the gourds at her waist onto the fresh tongue wound like she was frosting a cake.
“I’m going to die,” she panted. “This is not a job for humans.”
She pried the lion’s mouth open and scrambled out.
The moment she emerged, she met Old One’s furious eyes.
Qian Qi froze.
Then she smiled politely, because she was apparently committed to being insufferable.
“Haha. If I say I did it on purpose, will you forgive me for being honest?”
Old One stared at her.
Then it unleashed a stream of furious, incomprehensible snarling that translated perfectly as: I will kill you.
The lion couldn’t understand human language, but Qian Qi’s expression was so fucking punchable it didn’t need translation.
Old One stopped wasting time. It reared its head, and lightning power began gathering around the horn—bright, violent, crackling with promise.
This was its strongest attack. If this didn’t work, it would have to run.
After all, no lion wanted to keep chewing on a spiky hedgehog forever.
Qian Qi looked at its open mouth and, with zero fear and even less dignity, grabbed the fur at its lips and started climbing in again.
The lion blinked.
…?
It whipped its head and flung her off like a rag doll, still concentrating lightning.
Qian Qi face-planted, spat out dirt, and climbed again.
The lion’s expression somehow became: …Are you serious?
As she climbed, Qian Qi estimated the first fruit’s timer was almost up. She flicked her tongue and swallowed the second Earth Tuber Fruit hidden at the back of her mouth.
Right then, the lightning on Old One’s horn finished condensing.
With a furious roar, the lion slammed her away, and a silver-white beam streaked with purple shot toward her with a crackle like tearing metal.
“Oh shit—here it comes!”
Qian Qi threw up her arms.
The beam hit.
A vicious numbness surged through her body, electricity crawling over her skin and splitting upward and downward.
The downward current sank into the earth.
The upward current… upgraded her messy bird’s nest hair into Bird’s Nest Hair 2.0.
Qian Qi stared blankly.
The lion stared blankly.
For a long moment, both of them just… existed in silence.
Qian Qi was silent because her clothes and every usable magic plant on her body had been scorched black.
The lion was silent because its strongest strike hadn’t killed her.
Qian Qi finally said, with deep professional judgment, “That was kind of pathetic.”
The System flashed: “It’s E-rank. It only has one attribute skill.”
“Ha.” Qian Qi grinned. “Weak.”
The System followed up, helpfully, “But all your usable magic plants are fried now, too.”
Qian Qi’s grin died instantly.
She bolted.
She’d only hidden two Earth Tuber Fruits in her mouth. The rest—so they wouldn’t get crushed during the fight—were stashed above the nest along with her lightbrain. All she had on her now was a tiny self-defense knife.
If she didn’t run now, she was an idiot.
Seeing her retreat, the lion’s earlier fear evaporated. It roared, excited again, and charged after her.
“Mom! Stop chasing me! I was wrong, okay?!”
Qian Qi fled like her life depended on it—because it did. She reached for her pants pocket to grab her knife.
Bad idea.
The pocket, charred and brittle, disintegrated into powder.
The knife clattered onto the ground with a tiny, stupid little click.
Qian Qi skidded to a stop and stared.
“…Seriously?”
The lion was practically on top of her now, roaring like it owned the world.
Qian Qi’s face twisted with fury. “What are you barking about?!”
She yanked up the smug blue panel—
And swung it like a brick.
The panel flashed.
The lion blinked.
…?
The impact landed with force comparable to a C-rank strike.
The lion’s huge body wobbled. Its eyes rolled. Then it collapsed with a thunderous boom.
Qian Qi breathed out, delighted. “Woohoo~”
The System freaked out, spitting corrupted rage text like it was having a stroke: “%#@… How dare you—”
Qian Qi threw her head back and cackled. “I knew it! You’re a perfect people-smacking weapon!”
Back when she’d been stepped on by a Swift Magic Elephant, the panel had whacked the back of her head to keep her from getting hurt—because she’d been standing upright with too small a contact area.
But that was the thing.
Even back then, she could withstand D-rank damage.
So how had the panel hit her hard enough to raise a bump?
There was only one answer: the blue panel’s hardness—and attack power—were way beyond D-rank.
“You really thought I wouldn’t notice a loophole that obvious?”
She’d kept quiet on purpose, waiting for the panel to relax. Waiting for a chance to test it.
The panel went dead silent.
Qian Qi, in an excellent mood, stared at the unconscious lion. She rubbed her hands together and looked at the panel.
“Help me one more time?”
The panel flickered and spat a single message: “…Get lost.”
Then it vanished.
Qian Qi snorted. “Stingy.”
Her small knife couldn’t pierce the lion’s hide deep enough to reach its heart, but she’d prepared for that, too.
She climbed back up to her stash, retrieved her lightbrain and the remaining Earth Tuber Fruits, then found a red magic plant nearby: poison holly.
It looked like North American holly—thin branches, clustered bright red berries. Those berries were packed with deadly neurotoxin, enough to kill a full-grown E-rank magic beast.
Poison holly was a mobile magic plant. It wasn’t aggressive enough to fight directly, so it survived by moving constantly. And even then, some poison-resistant magic beasts still liked to eat it.
Earlier, Qian Qi had practically run herself to death chasing it just to tear off a small bunch. Thankfully, the poison was only dangerous if it entered through a wound. As long as she didn’t get injured, she’d be fine.
She returned to the fallen magic lightning lion. With her knife, she crushed the poison holly berries, coating the blade in red pulp.
Then, without hesitation, she drove the tip into the horned head’s deep blue eye.
The blade sank in.
The toxin surged along the optic nerve—straight to the brains.
A few minutes later, Qian Qi’s whole body jolted with a strange, spreading sensation. Something like instinct. Like a door cracking open.
“Strength…”
She raised her fist.
Then she punched down.
Boom.
The lion head exploded.
Qian Qi’s eyes widened so far they almost fell out of her skull.
The System flashed a bright message: “Congratulations on clearing this dungeon. You have received a Strength attribute bonus. Your current Strength rank is: D-minus rank!”
Qian Qi gaped. “There’s a deal like this?!”
Then she grinned like someone who’d just discovered gambling. “More good stuff. More, more!”
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