Chapter 32
Chapter 32: Come Eat Me~
A dungeon boss was the highest-level magic creature inside a dungeon.
Normally, an E-rank dungeon only spawned E-rank magic creatures. The boss, though, usually sat somewhere between E and E+, sometimes so close to D-rank it might as well have been flirting with it.
The System was obviously prepared. The arrow on the blue panel kept swiveling, always pointing straight at the boss’s location.
Qian Qi walked for a while, then stopped short and narrowed her eyes at the panel.
“Something’s wrong. Since when are you this kind? You’re giving me directions for free?”
The System replied, “Listen to you…”
“And when I’m sending you off to die, how could I not do it for free? ^v^”
Qian Qi blinked.
Once.
Twice.
Then a third time, like her brain was buffering.
How was this System even more shameless than she was?
Still muttering curses under her breath, she followed the panel’s arrow. Two hours later, she finally found the boss’s nest.
Maybe it was the System’s guidance. Maybe it was because this dungeon just had fewer monsters. Either way, she barely ran into any magic beasts on the way.
Which made no sense. She clearly remembered the info she’d dug up at school: dungeons usually had a ton of magic beasts, and even if awakened hunters killed them, more would respawn after a set amount of time.
So what—was this dungeon special?
Qian Qi rubbed her chin. Whatever. Fewer magic beasts was good news for her.
She studied the terrain, climbed up from the side, and got above the nest. Then she unhooked a round yellow ball from her gear.
If anyone had seen her right now, they would’ve choked. Qian Qi was practically wearing a mobile greenhouse: Venom gourds, a Cloudthorn Sunflower, and a bunch of other magic plants any Magic Plant Department student would recognize, all linked together by the Venom gourd’s vine-roots like some cursed Christmas garland.
What she’d just taken off was the fruit known as Golden Flower Bombs.
Golden Flower Bombs exploded when bitten. They couldn’t physically injure a magic beast, but the blast sprayed an obscene amount of foul, golden powder—enough to wreck a monster’s sense of smell and sight in seconds.
Next, Qian Qi pulled out a short green tube that looked like bamboo and poured out thick, golden liquid.
Magic honey.
Sweeter than regular honey, stickier than bad decisions. Even magic beasts loved it. Beast tamers bought it as a training snack for contract beasts, and rumor had it the stuff was addictive as hell.
Qian Qi smeared the magic honey all over the Golden Flower Bombs. If the boss bit down, it would bite deep.
“Oh—almost forgot you.”
She tugged at the strings of Venom gourds around her waist. Each gourd had once had gray leaves at the top, but those leaves neutralized the gourd’s poison mist. Qian Qi had plucked most of them bald ages ago, leaving only a few. She stripped those off, stuffed them into her mouth, and chewed like she was packing emergency antidotes.
Then she yanked down a length of gourd vine, tied it into a net with quick fingers, and cradled the round Golden Flower Bombs inside. She crawled to the edge above the nest and lowered the honey-coated fruit down from above.
First, she needed to lure the boss out. Confirm what it was. Confirm whether it had poison resistance.
The Golden Flower Bombs swayed above the entrance. The rich, cloying scent drifted into the nest.
Three noses twitched.
The boss—who’d been sprawled on the ground like it owned the place—stirred. Thick limbs tensed. Then it surged up and thundered toward the smell.
Heavy footsteps shook the nest. Qian Qi’s heart hammered so hard she could feel it in her teeth. She tightened her grip on the Cloudthorn Sunflower and, with the kind of stinginess only poverty could forge, swallowed an Earth Tuber Fruit.
Thirty thousand yuan. Her soul wept.
But staying alive came first.
Right as she finished swallowing, the boss emerged.
It was a lion-shaped magic beast—massive, long-bodied, built like a killing machine. And it had three jet-black lion heads.
The middle head had a razor-sharp horn on its forehead, rippling watery blue, with faint lightning threads coiling around it. The whole thing radiated danger.
Three pairs of lion eyes locked onto the honey-smeared Golden Flower Bombs above the entrance.
The beast let out a low growl.
Then—unexpectedly—it didn’t chomp down right away. Its huge paws paced slowly, circling, studying the bait like it was a math problem.
After a moment, it finally raised its head and touched the fruit with its tongue.
Qian Qi waited for the explosion.
Nothing.
Frowning, she peeked down—and nearly choked.
The three-headed magic lightning lion was licking the bait.
Licking. Not biting.
Qian Qi stared.
“…Seriously?”
So she’d underestimated its intelligence. Great.
Still, she hadn’t expected the dungeon boss to be a magic beast at all—let alone a lion with three heads. She couldn’t help wondering if a body only one-and-a-half times the size of a grown lion could really supply enough nutrients for three sharp brains.
She studied the horn again. With what little knowledge she had, she was pretty sure it was lightning attribute.
Lightning-type, then… probably not poison-resistant?
She asked silently, “System, will an Earth Tuber Fruit hold up against its lightning attack?”
The System flashed a scornful message: “Please trust the fruit that costs thirty thousand, okay?”
Mentioning thirty thousand made her blood pressure spike. Watching the lion keep licking—still not biting—made it worse.
Qian Qi glanced around, grabbed a fist-sized rock, and hurled it at the lion head busily tasting her bait.
She’d been feral as a kid, and her aim was terrifying. The rock smacked the lion head dead-on.
The beast froze.
Then came a crunchy crack.
It had reflexively bitten down—and bit the Golden Flower Bombs open.
Golden pollen exploded outward like cursed fireworks. A stench so foul it didn’t have a name flooded the air. Powder splattered into the lion’s eyes, making all three heads snap their eyes shut, snarling and shaking.
Qian Qi held her breath, launched herself down, and landed on the beast.
The rightmost head roared in rage—then opened its eyes just in time to see Qian Qi sliding down its neck and climbing into its open mouth.
The three-headed magic lightning lion paused.
One head.
Two heads.
All three heads, in perfect synchronized confusion:
…?
The System practically screamed in her mind. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Let it eat me!”
Qian Qi looked completely serious as she crawled forward. She gripped the Cloudthorn Sunflower and scraped hard at the lion’s tongue.
Fresh blood streaked across the rough surface. It wasn’t exactly painful, but it was infuriating.
The right head roared again and snapped its jaws down at her waist.
And then—surprise—its teeth nearly shattered.
They made a sickening crunch like biting steel.
If it hadn’t been a monster close to D-rank, it might’ve actually ended up toothless.
When it couldn’t bite her, it tried to swallow her.
Qian Qi hooked herself onto its teeth and tongue barbs like a barnacle. Swallowing was impossible. The tongue scraped her hardened defense so hard she could feel it grinding.
She threw her head back and laughed like a maniac. “Bet you didn’t expect that! I love watching you want to eat me and not be able to!”
The System went silent for one long second, then sent: “…Wow. You really are a freak.”
Since swallowing didn’t work, the lion tried chewing her instead, grinding at her waist like it wanted to saw her in half.
Qian Qi’s head was getting licked around in the process. It was gross.
It was also perfect.
If she was right, the Venom gourds on her waist had already been crushed.
Just like she planned: squeezed gourds burst poison mist, or oozed venom directly. The venom seeped through the gaps between the lion’s teeth, sinking into the shallow cuts she’d carved into its tongue.
Five minutes later, the rightmost head drooped.
And slumped.
And passed out.
The remaining two heads stared.
…?
Qian Qi crawled out of Old Three’s mouth and hauled herself into open air.
Maybe it was her imagination, but she swore she saw shock on their lion faces.
She coughed lightly, as if apologizing for being the worst. Then she turned to the horned middle head, her voice sliding into unhinged sweetness.
“Ahem. Hey, bro. Wanna taste me? I’m super delicious~”
She even leaned in, smiling. “Really. I’m a snack.”
The lion’s hind legs shuffled backward like she was radioactive.
If it could talk, it would’ve been screaming: “Don’t come any closer!”
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