Chapter 255

Chapter 255: The Grand Matron Consoles Xin An

Facing Tang Gang, the Grand Matron often felt helpless. A grown son is beyond a mother’s control, and some words, if repeated, begin to stink.

She began, reasoning with him: “I do not know how you comport yourself outside, but for many years you have not made mistakes, which shows you have discernment and caution. Why, then, be muddled in the matter of your two sons?”

She drove the point home: “If both boys were born to Madam Wang, she would not quibble with you. But you trip one while favoring the other. How is she meant to feel at ease, you…”

The Grand Matron wanted to say he must not chill Madam Wang’s heart. She was the mistress of the inner residence; if she conceived other ideas, it would be Tang Gang who suffered in the end. Yet the more she spoke, the more resistant he felt. Especially in the past several months, he had often glimpsed disappointment in his old mother’s eyes, as if he were a most inferior person.

He cut her off before she finished, voice taut with pride: “From childhood I have never forgotten the marquisate’s honor. I favor my eldest because he has excelled since he was young. From first lessons, his tutors often praised him. He is good-looking, well-mannered, correct in bearing, measured in speech, and methodical in conduct. Such a youth would be cultivated with all a family’s strength anywhere. I do not think I have done anything wrong.”

“As for the second, as a younger son he must recognize reality and stop longing for what he should not. If there is blame, it is only that he was not born first.”

He concluded tightly: “Things have come to this because the second refuses to keep to his place.”

Refusing to admit fault, he had barely finished when the Grand Matron slammed her palm on the tea table with a crack: “Even if the elder shines brighter, the second is not lacking. They are both your sons. How can you be so unable to tolerate him?”

“You do not know,” Tang Gang answered with impatience, “ten years ago a seer read my features and said that a son would be my bane. If not him, then who?”

He went on, flat and cold: “Though I do not dote on him, the residence has never shorted his food or clothing. Now he is married and has a post. I think it would be best to do as we did with my second brother back then and send him out early.”

Already irritable, he had to handle Xin An’s matter at this moment and then suffer the Grand Matron’s reproach as well; his anger burned. He felt that Tang Mo and his wife were both meddlesome. As for their constant fussing, [what of it?] In his view, even if a father errs, he is still right.

“You are talking nonsense,” the Grand Matron cried, incredulous. She strode up to him: “Do you understand the consequences? The Censors’ spittle could drown you.”

She rebuked him without mercy: “You fail to teach your son day to day, and when trouble comes you blame the son. Is this how a father behaves?”

Tang Gang did not dare retort. He could only sit with a dark face while the Grand Matron’s eyes filled with tears. She said, voice breaking, “To have taught you into such a state is my failure to the Tang family’s ancestors. I have failed your father.”

“Mother,” Tang Gang blurted, startled, “how can you say such things? Are you not gouging your son’s heart?”

“And are you not stabbing your son’s heart as well?” the Grand Matron countered.

A wave of dizziness washed over her, but she gritted her teeth and endured: “In what way has the second wronged you that you must treat him like this?”

Tang Gang slowly let his anger subside. He helped the Grand Matron sit and admitted in a low voice: “He has not wronged me.”

[In truth, he did not much believe the Daoist master’s words, but taking out his anger on Tang Mo had become a habit. After so many events, his heart had accumulated too much pent-up frustration; he needed a place to vent it, and the son he had disdained since childhood was the most convenient target.] [He knew clearly what this son was like: since boyhood he had craved his father’s affection. Give him a little kind face now and then, praise him once or twice, and he would glow for a long time.] [No matter what was done to him, even when he was deeply hurt, he would not truly resent his father afterward.] It was, in short, reliance without fear.

The Grand Matron, in the end, did not fully understand this son and did not grasp his truest thoughts. She spoke instead of Tang Mo: “Whatever his past lapses, he is genuinely filial. I remember only a month or two ago you were very fond of him, praising him to everyone outside. What has changed?”

Naturally it was because Tang Rong no longer required the whip of competition, but Tang Gang dared not speak the truth. He said only that matters of the Imperial Court were many and vexing, and in his irritation he had vented on Tang Mo.

Another dizzy spell struck; the Grand Matron could not hold out. Seeing her complexion worsen moment by moment, Tang Gang hurried to help and, with the servants, saw her to bed. He fed her a Qi Boosting Pill, and after a while she felt somewhat better.

As evening drew on, people in the residence saw that Xin An had still not returned and began to speculate that she had indeed left, that neither the generous gifts from the Madam nor those from the Grand Matron had been enough to keep her. The Grand Matron, having caught her breath, asked after her several times and could not help wanting to send someone to the Xin residence, afraid she would not come back. Tang Gang, too, quietly inquired two or three times, his heart in tumult.

Night fell. The Grand Matron lifted her head toward the doorway again and again: “That girl has not come back yet.” She gave an order: “Gan Lu, send someone to the Xin residence to see.”

Tang Gang also gazed toward the door despite himself, wreathed in sorrow and worry. His grief and worry were genuine: worry that because of this Tang Rong might be ruined, sorrow for his present besieged situation.

Only when darkness fully settled did Xin An return to the residence at her leisure, well fed and in good spirits. Seeing her, Steward Zhang was so relieved that he hurried up, saying: “Second Young Madam, you are back. With the year-end drawing near, it is not so safe outside. Next time you go out, take bodyguards with you. Madam and the Grand Matron were very worried and asked after you several times.”

Xin An answered softly: “Understood.” She put on an expression of grievance and distress and added: “I made Grandmother worry. I will go see Grandmother.”

Watching her composed steps, Steward Zhang suddenly felt a strange suspicion. He thought the chaos in the marquisate today might have something to do with this Second Young Madam. If not, then [this Second Young Madam truly had deep reserves].

After what happened last night, an ordinary person would have cried herself hoarse and then refused food and drink to demand justice. She had gone out for the day instead. Though her expression was troubled, her color was quite good.

In Chun Rong Hall, the Grand Matron looked wan. When she learned that Xin An had returned, she let out a long breath. Seeing the girl, her eyes even held a trace of emotion as she beckoned: “Good child, where did you go? You had Grandmother worried all day.”

Xin An stepped forward and saluted, explaining: “There were matters at Steward Fang’s, so I went over. I made Grandmother worry.”

“So long as you are safe,” the Grand Matron said, relieved. “Grandmother only feared you might encounter danger going out alone. Come, sit by Grandmother and tell me.”

Forcing herself to rally, the Grand Matron tried to console Xin An. She repeatedly insisted that Tang Gang bore no malicious intent, that he was merely sharp-tongued but not bad at heart. Whether the Grand Matron herself believed these words was uncertain, but Xin An’s eyes reddened as she said: “My family background is not illustrious. That I could marry into the marquisate was entirely due to my grandfather’s support and the marquisate’s promise. After entering the gate, I was very ill at ease and even once thought the swapping of the betrothal had been my father’s doing. Eldest Brother is so outstanding a man that I am not his equal.”

She lowered her head: “Even in marrying my husband, I was reaching above my station. I have been cautious ever since, trying not to make mistakes and to carry myself properly.”

Finally she lifted her gaze to the Grand Matron: “Grandmother, I have never done anything wicked. I did not curse Eldest Brother’s child.”