Chapter 294

Chapter 295: Numb

Irene and Xuan Che stared at each other.

After half a minute, the little Doll glanced at the things he had laid out: “That’s all?”

Xuan Che’s cheek twitched. His century-old Dao heart wobbled, but he nodded anyway: “That’s all.”

Yu Sheng sighed and came over to comfort him: “It’s fine. You did your best.”

“Alas, I’m shallow and only know the book,” Xuan Che said, packing up with a dejected look. “There might be a way. I can’t think of it. When I go back, I’ll ask my master or consult the seniors in our lineage. Maybe there’s still hope.”

“That works,” Yu Sheng said honestly. “Thank you.”

By then it was almost noon.

Naturally, Yu Sheng invited the guest to stay for lunch. He didn’t worry about whether a cultivator from Thousand Peak Spirit Mountain ate food. First, Xuan Che had already downed a can of Coke. Second, there was a cultivator living here who ate a lot at every meal.

Xuan Che didn’t refuse. He was curious how this house full of beings who were not “human” yet kept imitating humans actually lived. He even felt a little spirit of adventure for the Dao when he agreed to stay.

He would soon learn he was right to stay.

Lunch was cooked by Foxy.

Since a guest from the same domain had come, Foxy volunteered to cook personally and show the local immortal what traditional food from her hometown looked like.

Yu Sheng’s first reaction was to stop her. He knew “fox stew” looked a bit cult-like. Scaring the guest would be the smaller problem. If Xuan Che had a stress reaction, thought the dish was a demon, and drew his sword to fight lunch, that would be worse. He failed to stop her.

Because Foxy held his hand and wagged her tail.

At the table, Irene’s Prototype Unit, with a frame on her back, looked at Yu Sheng and sighed: “You just spoil her. Whatever she wants, you give. Whatever she wants to do, you agree. You know her stew looks more and more wicked. When the kitchen door opens, the dish will carry her out, and you’ll keep quiet.”

“It won’t be that bad,” Yu Sheng said, waving his hands, very serious. “She had a very hard life for decades. I want to treat her well now. And it’s not like I treat you badly. I made you four bodies.”

Irene pouted: “I would believe you if you hadn’t used parts from the bargain shop the first time.”

Xuan Che kept listening to the kitchen. The door was shut, and his divine sense, which could pass through mountains, was blocked by a closed door here. He could only hear clanging, with bursts of roaring flame and flashes of light. It didn’t sound like cooking, but calling it a battlefield seemed a bit much.

After hesitating, he looked at Yu Sheng: “Is that… the sound of cooking?”

“Her hometown specialty. Fox stew,” Yu Sheng said cheerfully. “Don’t worry. It’s just loud. It’s normal. Right now she’s reasoning with the dish. Once the dish sees reason, we can serve it.”

“…?” Xuan Che blinked.

Seeing his face, Yu Sheng added a few words as a heads-up: “By the way, it may look a little intense when it’s served. Be prepared. It doesn’t look great, but it tastes good. I think it will help someone like you who cultivates.”

Growing even more curious, Xuan Che was wondering how bad a dish could look when the kitchen door finally opened.

Without thinking, he swept it with his divine sense.

He instantly saw a blaze of nine tails, too bright to look at, like a violent energy reaction inside. It carried a surge of hot spiritual light out of the kitchen.

He hurriedly withdrew his sense, and a big soup pot was set on the table. Yu Sheng got up to lift the lid. Steam rose, and something else rose with it.

Xuan Che stood to peek, then his Dao heart gave a jolt. After a few seconds of staring, he looked at Yu Sheng and said, almost sleepwalking: “It greeted me.”

“Then this stew is polite,” Yu Sheng said after thinking for a second.

“…?” Xuan Che stared.

[If this stew keeps cooking, won’t it reach ascension by shapeshifting?]

While he wrestled with that thought, Foxy quickly ladled the food, dividing it bowl by bowl, muttering as she worked: “One bowl for my benefactor, one bowl for me, one bowl for the guest, one bowl for me, one bowl for Irene, one whole pot for me…”

“Eat while it’s hot,” Yu Sheng said with a warm smile, nodding to the handsome young man across the table. “It really tastes good.”

[Master’s orders.]

Those words rose in Xuan Che’s mind. In the ripples of the bubbling soup, he seemed to see something familiar reflected there. He looked closer. It was his master’s Copper Headed Belt.

Along with it came his master’s parting advice: “Remember, the expert you’re visiting defeated the Dark Angels. Around such an expert, strange wonders are normal. Be bold and careful. If the expert gives you something, accept it. It might be a great chance.”

Thinking of that, he steeled himself, scooped a spoonful, and put it in his mouth.

Yu Sheng watched the handsome youth freeze after one bite, eyes unfocused as if meditating. After half a minute, he couldn’t help asking: “What is it? Not your taste?”

Xuan Che snapped back to himself, his expression even stranger. After holding it in, he said, “It’s better than what I refine.”

Yu Sheng blinked: “What?”

But Xuan Che had no time to explain. He took another spoonful. In his mind flashed the scoldings for wrong recipes, the kneeling for missed timings, the beatings for botched pill fires over a hundred years.

He looked down at the bowl with only one question: this pill effect was so pure, so how could it look like that?

Just then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw two figures shining with golden light leap out of nowhere.

He looked up. Two golden-winged, jade-crowned, dignified, radiant birds had hopped from Foxy’s shoulder to the table and were pecking at a small bowl of “stew.”

He didn’t know what divine birds they were, but he suspected they were stronger than the two celestial cranes his master kept in the sea of clouds. Their gaze just looked a little funny, with an aura that felt pure and sacred.

“These two are Bai Qie and Yan Ju,” Yu Sheng said, introducing them. “They’re Foxy’s pets.”

Xuan Che glanced at the Nine Tailed Fox who had picked up the pot to eat and murmured through clenched teeth: “Nice names.”

Yu Sheng smiled awkwardly, thinking about whether to reveal their true species, when a sudden bang sounded somewhere.

The TV in the living room went silent. The kitchen lights went out. The air conditioner stopped hum­ming. Even the fridge in the dining room went still.

Irene, who had been sitting cross-legged on the table, yelped, “Oh mom,” sprang up, and toppled off the edge.

Startled, Yu Sheng reached out and caught her. Then he heard something fall in the living room.

A very oh-no feeling shot from his Heaven Spirit down to his tailbone. He jumped from his chair and sprinted straight to the living room.

There he saw a small Doll lying on the floor by the TV stand, smoking. On the other side, the power strip had blown apart.

“…” Yu Sheng stared, then rushed to the little Doll with a face full of panic: “Did you actually go chew the wire?!”

The Doll seemed still numb. Her face was soot-black, hair standing on end, but even like that she stubbornly raised a hand and flipped him off.

A second Irene crawled out from between the couch and the coffee table and glared up at him: “You chewed the wire. Your whole family chews wires. I’m not stupid.”

Yu Sheng pointed at the one still smoking on the floor: “Then what’s this?”

“Ask the cheap power strip you bought from the five-yuan shop,” Irene snapped. “I was watching TV when it suddenly started smoking. I rushed over to pull the plug. The moment I grabbed the cord, boom. I got numb before I could dodge.”

“…” Yu Sheng’s belly full of complaints froze into embarrassment. He remembered he had bought a cheap power strip for the living room, and Irene had complained about it two days ago and told him to replace it. He had forgotten.

He quickly picked up the smoking Irene and dabbed at her face with a tissue. Just as he was about to say something to ease the awkwardness, the Doll in his arms twitched and lifted a hand to block him: “Wait.”

“What is it?” Yu Sheng asked.

Irene, now the Pro Max Smoked Black Gold Limited Edition, 66.6 cm, wore a strange expression. It was probably strange, but it was hard to tell through the soot. She flexed her wrist, hopped down from Yu Sheng’s arms, and looked over her body: “Charged up.”

“What?!” Yu Sheng blurted.