Chapter 39
Chapter 39: The Market Is Bad
“AAAH!”
The shadow shrieked.
Where their palms met, white smoke erupted. A flame flared to life.
Gu Shi Yi felt no heat at all—not even a sting.
The water wraith, on the other hand, screamed like its soul was being torn out. The flame raced up its arm, climbed its body, and swallowed it whole. In the span of a few breaths, the black mass collapsed into ash on the deck.
The river wind swept over it.
And it was gone—clean, neat, like it had never existed.
Gu Shi Yi stood there, stunned. She turned her head slowly toward the cabin.
Li Yan Er was on the table, mouth hanging open just as wide as Gu Shi Yi’s. For a long moment, the two best friends could only gape at each other.
Gu Shi Yi blinked. “Yan Er… you… you saw that, right? It just… it just went poof?”
Li Yan Er swallowed a mouthful of saliva she didn’t actually have. It took her a long time to speak. “I… I saw it. S-since it’s gone… you should come back in. It’s windy out there. Cold.”
Gu Shi Yi nodded stiffly. “Okay.”
Once back inside, she shut the door and sat by the bed. She stared out the window for a while, then suddenly said, as if genuinely weighing the idea, “Yan Er… do you think what that old man said is trustworthy? Or should I really go find a great demon, get a blood-and-marrow exchange, and become part of the Demon Clan?”
[Seriously. An expert makes one move and you instantly know the difference.]
[Back when she followed the old guy, dealing with a water wraith meant drawing talismans, setting up an altar, and praying the thing didn’t jump into the river the second it got scared. Without a full night of messing around, you couldn’t catch it.]
[But this guy? He didn’t even need to show his face. He just drew one character on her palm and solved everything.]
[No wonder everyone wants cultivation. Cultivation really is stupidly strong.]
[And Second Senior Brother is Second Senior Brother… boundless power and all that, right?]
Li Yan Er stared at her with a strange expression. “Shi Yi… think it through. If your Demon Clan turns out to be a pig… once you become a demon, you won’t be able to turn back.”
“…”
After that, Gu Shi Yi’s nights became… lively.
The second night, a mother who had lost her son came knocking.
The third night, a wandering swordsman with his head missing drifted in.
The fourth night, a fisherman who’d been dragged under by a giant fish crawled up from the river…
Every single one of them was after the thing in Gu Shi Yi’s clothes.
Her “nightly concerts” left her yawning nonstop during the day. Her dark circles refused to fade. Sixth Master Huang Liu took one look and knew midnight “guests” were coming aboard. He asked what was happening, and Gu Shi Yi waved her hands so hard she nearly smacked herself.
“Sixth Master, don’t ask,” she said quickly. “If I tell you, you won’t even be able to eat in peace. We’re close to Blue Moon City. I can still hold on.”
Sixth Master Huang Liu didn’t press. He only told the kitchen, “Make something good for Miss Gu. Let her build herself up.”
He meant it innocently.
The boat did not.
Within half a day, the rumor had spread from the lowest deck to the highest.
“Our Sixth Master is still as mighty as ever! Look at Miss Gu—getting more and more worn out by the day. Now he’s ordering good food to ‘supplement’ her!”
Granny Gu heard it and secretly beamed.
“Shi Yi might be old,” she whispered delightedly, “but look at those breasts and hips—she’s definitely the type who can bear a son. Sixth Master has taken eight concubines into his household and not one has given him a boy. If our Shi Yi gives birth to a son… that’ll be blessings without end!”
She even ran to the kitchen to help make soups and tonics, as if she were already cradling a grandchild.
Gu Shi Yi, busy fighting off evil things every night, had no time to chat with anyone. She missed the entire rumor storm about herself.
Days passed. Soon, only one day of river travel remained before Blue Moon City—meaning it was their last night on the boat.
And that night, Gu Shi Yi welcomed an unusually polite “customer.”
Knock, knock, knock.
Someone tapped softly at her door near midnight. Gu Shi Yi sat cross-legged on the bed and sighed.
“Even on the last night, I can’t get peace. Is this really going to work me to death?”
Li Yan Er looked uneasy, eyes fixed on the door. “Shi Yi… the demon qi is especially thick tonight.”
Gu Shi Yi’s gaze sharpened. “Mm. I feel it too.”
She lowered her voice. “Hide. I’ll handle it carefully.”
Li Yan Er slipped behind the pillow in one smooth motion.
Gu Shi Yi called softly, “Who’s there?”
Creeeak—
The wooden door opened.
Someone stood in the doorway.
How to describe him?
A lump of a person.
The lump spoke, and his voice was… unexpectedly pleasant. “May I ask… are you Miss Gu?”
Gu Shi Yi tilted her head. He stood half in shadow. His build was… solid. Absurdly short, but broad enough to stuff the lower half of the doorway.
She nodded. “I am. And you are, sir?”
The lump cupped his hands politely. “I am Lai Tun of Nine-Hole Cave!”
So his surname was Lai.
As in… warty.
As in… toad.
Gu Shi Yi understood immediately. No wonder the demon qi was so thick tonight—this was a Demon Clan that could take human form.
Without changing her expression, she slid her hand under the pillow and quietly palmed the three ghost-banishing talismans Mister Shang had given her. Then she asked calmly, “Brother Lai, why have you come so late? What do you want?”
The toad spirit stayed courteous. “May I come in and speak?”
Gu Shi Yi stepped aside. “Come in.”
He waddled in. Once he entered the light, Gu Shi Yi’s eyes nearly suffered a calamity.
A bald head without a single hair. A mouth stretched so wide it looked like it reached the back of his skull. Bulging eyes. No neck. A huge belly. Thin hands, thick legs.
And he was wearing a green scholar’s robe.
Gu Shi Yi had to admire his bravery. She also had to wonder what kind of tailor could produce a robe with a height-to-width ratio of one to two.
She turned her face away, expression pained.
[No, really. Is taking human form mandatory?]
[Being a toad is perfectly fine!]
[Round eyes, a snow-white belly… as a kid you look like a tadpole. You don’t have to study. You can just hop around and look for a matron!]
She cleared her throat, forced herself to turn back, and said politely, “Brother Lai, what can I do for you?”
The toad spirit blinked his bubble eyes and grinned. “Well… I have long admired Miss Gu’s beauty. I wish to marry you, young lady. What does young lady think?”
Gu Shi Yi’s soul nearly left her body.
“I… I’ll fuck your mom,” she hissed under her breath, because her brain had temporarily stopped producing civilized language.
Her face turned green on the spot. “You… what did you say?”
The toad spirit, newly human and utterly ignorant of worldly customs, knew about human romance only from watching a few pairs of wild lovers going at it in the reeds by the river. They never negotiated. They just started.
So, naturally, he assumed humans were the same. Whoever shouted louder was the stronger one.
He raised his voice proudly and announced, “I have a cave mansion—very spacious! I have a thousand taels of gold, ten thousand taels of silver, a hundred river pearls, countless antiques and jades. If young lady marries me, all of it will belong to young lady. I want nothing else—only the item in young lady’s arms as dowry!”
Gu Shi Yi’s mouth twitched.
Then her eye twitched too.
She took a slow breath, turned her head toward the short, squat creature, and extended her right hand.
“Brother Lai,” she said, drawing each word out like it cost blood, “if you truly want to marry me… then why don’t we… shake hands?”
The toad spirit didn’t suspect a thing. He eagerly extended his thin arm—his fingers spread wide, the webbing between them not even fully faded.
“Wife!” he cried, delighted. “Wife!”
Wife.
Wife.
Gu Shi Yi’s eyes went murderous. She clasped his hand.
The instant their palms met, the toad spirit’s hand began to sizzle like meat on a grill. White smoke streamed out between their fingers.
The toad spirit let out a horrified croak. “Croak!”
He yanked his hand back and hopped off the stool.
Gu Shi Yi sprang off the bed and lunged. His legs were short; hers were long. He got two steps before she grabbed his robe.
Then the slaps began.
Smack! Smoke.
Smack! Smoke.
Smack! Smoke.
It was like she was paying per slap, and she’d just won the lottery.
In moments, his big bald head looked like a volcano about to erupt, white smoke pouring off it in thick puffs.
“Croak croak croak croak—!”
The toad spirit finally realized he was about to die for his love story. He shrank, wriggled out of his custom scholar’s robe, and hopped forward.
Mid-hop, he transformed.
A massive toad—big as a calf—landed on the deck with a heavy thud. It puffed up, bulged its eyes, and glared at Gu Shi Yi.
Gu Shi Yi didn’t flinch. She snapped open a ghost-banishing talisman, and it ignited with a flare.
“Come on,” she said coldly. “Take this!”
She tossed the burning talisman.
The toad recoiled, eyes flashing with fear. It jumped back two steps, then suddenly inhaled hard. Its belly ballooned, swelling grotesquely.
Then it opened its huge mouth and expelled a stream of black qi.
The black qi swallowed the flame.
The fire went out.
The talisman fluttered down like dead paper.
The toad spirit croaked smugly, “Croak! Useless!”
Gu Shi Yi froze for half a breath.
Then her face twisted. “Damn it. It’s a demon, not a ghost. What am I doing with a ghost-banishing talisman?”
[I’m so mad I burned a talisman for nothing!]
She spun to the bed and grabbed the peachwood sword the old guy had left behind. Peachwood sword in hand, she pressed her index and middle finger together and dragged them along the blade, leaving a bloody line.
Her lips moved in a low chant.
The sword flashed with a sharp, clean light.
Gu Shi Yi lifted it and drove it forward.
The toad, arrogant and careless, thought the sword was just another useless prop. It didn’t dodge. It even leaned in.
So it paid.
Shhk—
The blade sank into its swollen belly.
“Croak—!”
The toad shrieked and spat out a puff of black smoke. Gu Shi Yi had been waiting for that; she clamped her mouth shut and held her breath.
The toad hopped backward and looked down. A bright red hole had opened in its belly. Blood poured out in a thick trail.
“Croak croak croak—!”
It fled toward the bow, leaving a string of bloodstains across the deck.
“Where do you think you’re going!” Gu Shi Yi chased after it, sword raised.
Splash!
The toad reached the bow and jumped into the river without hesitation.
Gu Shi Yi ran up and leaned over the edge, but all she saw was a huge splash and rippling water. She raised her peachwood sword and shook it toward the dark river.
“A toad wants swan meat,” she snarled. “Try coming back and I’ll stab you to death!”
The noise had been too much. Sixth Master Huang Liu and his attendants next door finally cracked their doors open to peek out.
They saw Gu Shi Yi racing across the deck with a peachwood sword, chasing a toad the size of a calf.
Everyone’s eyes went wide. Someone sucked in a cold breath so hard it sounded like he was swallowing his soul.
Then came the splash.
They crept out. Sixth Master Huang Liu emerged first, wearing sleeping clothes, hair loose and messy. He stared at the wet deck and the blood trail and asked carefully, “Miss Gu… did you drive it off?”
Gu Shi Yi turned, baring her teeth in a fierce, exhausted grin. “It ran fast.”
Then she pointed at the blood on the deck. “Sixth Master, please send a few people with clean water to rinse this away. The blood is poisonous—don’t let anyone touch it.”
Sixth Master Huang Liu nodded at once. “Fine.”
Gu Shi Yi waved at the rest of them. “Go back to sleep. It’s gone.”
The men, still pale, started praising her like their lives depended on it.
“Miss Gu is incredible!”
“Miss Gu is a true expert!”
Gu Shi Yi waved them off again. She twirled the peachwood sword in a flashy flourish, then strode back into her cabin like a hero returning from battle.
The moment she shut the door, she collapsed face-first onto the bed.
She pounded the mattress with both fists and shouted, voice muffled by bedding, “What sin did I commit in my last life? Why has not one normal man ever proposed to me? It’s always demons or monsters!”
Her voice rose into a howl. “The only normal man who ever liked me got his whole family wiped out!”
[Tonight was humiliating.]
[Absolutely humiliating.]
[Am I doomed to be unmarried forever?]
She wanted to cry.
She couldn’t.
So she did the only thing left—she started smashing her forehead against the bed like it owed her money.
Thump thump thump thump—
And there, her plastic sister Li Yan Er didn’t comfort her.
She covered her mouth and laughed.
When Gu Shi Yi finally calmed down a little, Li Yan Er even added, sweetly and mercilessly, “Shi Yi, you’re wrong. Only one man actually wanted to marry you. The mouse guy wanted your flesh and blood. This one only wanted what’s inside your jade box.”
Gu Shi Yi froze.
Then the horror sank deeper.
“Right…” she croaked. “The first one at least wanted my body.”
She sat up, eyes hollow. “But that toad—shorter than a winter melon—didn’t even want my body.”
So Niu Da was the only man who truly wanted to marry her?
And he was dead.
Gu Shi Yi’s soul felt like it had been stabbed ten times, then stabbed ten more for good measure.
“AAAAAH! Am I really this bad on the market?!”
Thump thump thump thump—
Her forehead resumed its fierce negotiations with the bed.