Chapter 76: Love Follows the True Heart

Fahua Temple.

The bell of the old temple rang long and low as sandalwood smoke curled through every flying eave.

Lin Qing Xuan, wearing a moon-white robe, climbed the steps one by one. His pace was steady, every step firm, but his heart was in a mess. In the past, this path led toward quiet cultivation; today, every step felt like torture. A figure would not leave his mind. It was Xiao Man: her bright smile, her serious profile when she did sutra copying, the warmth at her fingertips when she passed him a food box. Scene after scene rose up so clear it made his heart tremble.

He squeezed his prayer beads and tried to chant scripture, but the words reached his lips and turned into Xiao Man’s name. [I am sick.] [I am poisoned by a poison called Xiao Man.] The poison had seeped into his bones with no cure. He should have cut off worldly ties and purified six senses, yet now a single woman bound him deeper every day. He could not tell if this need came from the heart demon he had forced down, or from a human heart that had never been dusty in the first place. [Heart demon. It must be a heart demon,] he told himself, but even he could not believe that. The flutter, the longing, were so real they scared him.

Passing the mountain gate and circling the Mahavira Hall, he went straight to the back courtyard and the meditation room. His Senior Brother, Zhen Su, a High Monk, sat beneath a Bodhi Tree, playing a game of Go against himself. Zhen Su was a monk who had truly gained the Way. His eyes were kind, his manner calm, and a deep stillness made people feel at ease.

He glanced up at Lin Qing Xuan without surprise and pointed at the stone bench across from him: “You’re here.”

His voice was warm, like spring wind. Lin Qing Xuan sat opposite and gave a Buddhist salute: “Senior Brother.”

Zhen Su lifted a white stone and set it down with a crisp tap: “Your heart is in turmoil.” He did not ask; he stated.

Lin Qing Xuan’s breath caught. In front of his Senior Brother, all masks failed. He lowered his gaze to the crisscross lines of the board: “This disciple is dull.”

“Pick up a black stone,” Zhen Su said. Lin Qing Xuan obeyed, pinching a cool black stone between his fingers. The chill could not press down the heat in his chest.

“Play a game with me,” Zhen Su said, eyes still on the board. “Your way of playing has always matched your way of the heart. Before, your game was steady and guarded. You made camp step by step. You would rather hold fast than rush forward, because your heart sought steadiness and emptiness. But today, before you even play, I smell the intent to kill.”

Lin Qing Xuan’s fingers tightened until the stone almost sank into his palm. Silent, he dropped the black stone in a corner. Zhen Su looked at the move and shook his head: “See? You are in disorder. This looks like seizing the first chance, but it is full of holes. You hurry to win and forget both attack and defense.”

He placed a white stone with a light hand and blocked Lin Qing Xuan’s path again: “Qing Xuan, tell me, what are you afraid of?”

Lin Qing Xuan pressed his lips into a line. He was afraid. He feared falling, feared years of cultivation ruined, and feared even more that he did not want to turn back at all. “Senior Brother, I think I am tangled by a heart demon,” he said at last, his voice hoarse.

“Oh? Tell me,” Zhen Su said as he poured a cup of tea and pushed it over. The tea was fresh-brewed Pre Rain Dragon Well tea, pure and clean. Lin Qing Xuan did not drink. He stared at the board and dropped another stone with a reckless edge.

“I keep thinking of someone. A woman. The more I try to cut off this thought, the more it grows wild like vines, tying me up so tight I cannot breathe. I chant, and the scripture turns into her name. I sit in seated meditation, and her face appears before my eyes. I think I am about to lose control of that heart demon.”

Zhen Su listened quietly, hands still moving as white stones pressed his black stones into a corner without mercy. Then he said, “You are wrong.”

Lin Qing Xuan looked up fast: “Where am I wrong?”

“You mistook your true heart for a heart demon,” Zhen Su said, his gaze clear as water, as if seeing the deepest secret in Lin Qing Xuan’s chest. “Qing Xuan, the place your feelings land comes from the heart. That is not a demon. That is your true heart and your nature. When you crush it and go against it, that is the real rebellion. Then the heart demon uses the gap and grows worse.”

Lin Qing Xuan froze. [My true heart?] Could the feeling that kept him tossing and in pain be not a heart demon, but his true heart?

“But I face the Buddha. I should let go of all four elements,” he muttered.

“Have you taken tonsured ordination?” Zhen Su cut in.

Lin Qing Xuan was speechless. He was only cultivating without tonsure. He had never truly shaved his head.

“You have not taken tonsured ordination. You are still a person in the world. People have seven emotions and six desires. That is normal,” Zhen Su said, his tone heavy with care. “Junior Brother, cultivation is not cheating yourself. Twisting off your nature is not cultivation. It is self-harm. Be loyal to your true heart. It might even help your cultivation.”

Lin Qing Xuan’s heart went into a full storm. Each word from his Senior Brother struck hard, shaking the beliefs he had guarded for years. On the board, his black stones were surrounded and broken, just like his mood: trapped with no way out.

At that moment, a black shadow flew over the courtyard wall and landed right in the middle of the board. It was a sleek black cat, fur glossy like satin in the sun, with lazy, strange golden eyes. It plopped down and scattered black and white stones into a mess: “Meow.”

The black cat stuck out a pink tongue and calmly licked its paw. It slanted a look at Lin Qing Xuan, its golden eyes full of very human disdain: “I knew he was twisted.”

A bright, cocky youth’s voice sounded in the yard. Both Lin Qing Xuan and Zhen Su stared at the cat. It was the one talking.

Lin Qing Xuan frowned and asked, “When did you follow me?” Zhen Su only raised a brow, amused: “Your obstruction has deep Buddhist fate,” he said, eyeing the black cat that called itself Tuan Tuan. “Fahua Temple is a stronghold of the Buddhist Order, with thousands of offerings and blazing yang energy. You are a small cat demon. You dare rush in here? Are you not afraid we will scatter your soul?”

Tuan Tuan stopped licking and lifted his head, staring straight at Zhen Su with no fear, only pride: “Obstruction?” He snorted, tail flicking. “I was born from this Buddha’s Chosen one’s desire. You worldly people insist on calling me a demon. That does not make me a demon.” He paused, voice even bolder: “Buddha and demon are one. Maybe he is the demon and I am the true Buddha. People cover their eyes with a leaf and cannot see the mountain. You do not see through, so you blame us as demons? How funny.”

Such wild words shook Lin Qing Xuan. [If Buddha and demon are one, who can tell which is which? What a rebellious saying.] Zhen Su did not get angry. He smiled and reached out a hand, as if to pat Tuan Tuan’s head: “Interesting.”

Tuan Tuan tilted his head and dodged, face full of dislike: “Hands off. This Master is not close to you.” He turned his golden eyes on Lin Qing Xuan with a look that said, You are hopeless: “If you cannot let go of that girl Xiao Man, just say it. Why act like you want to live and die? Tired yet? Like is like. Missing her is missing her. What is the big deal? Look at you, all tangled. I feel bad for you. A man should be crisp and clear. If you like her, chase her. If you love her, win her. For goodness’ sake, what kind of hero are you? Oh wait, you want to be a monk, so not a hero.”

Lin Qing Xuan’s face went red, then white. Never in his life had a cat ripped open his secrets and lectured him. Zhen Su could not help it and laughed: “Junior Brother, Junior Brother! The Master and I said your love trial would be hard. I did not think such a small thing would come to give you initiation. This is fortune. Great fortune!”

His hearty laughter rang through the courtyard and made Lin Qing Xuan blush even more. “You wicked thing, stop your nonsense,” Lin Qing Xuan snapped, lunging to grab the mouthy cat.

“Oh? Now you are mad?” Tuan Tuan twisted with a light move and slipped away, then leaped onto the stone table to look down at him: “Not playing with you. I am going to the Mahavira Hall to chat with Shakyamuni and ask if he used to be this twisted too.” He turned his head and shouted to Lin Qing Xuan: “Hurry up, Lin Qing Xuan. Your Third Miss has a bottomless mouth. She will eat everything and leave you none of Xiao Man’s treats. Also, Xiao Man is soft-hearted and easy to bully. If you do not go back, your daughter-in-law will be bullied to tears, and you will be the one who hurts.”

Daughter-in-law. Bullied. The words hit Lin Qing Xuan’s heart. It thumped for no reason. He could not argue with the cat, nor keep up any calm in front of Zhen Su. He pivoted, gave Zhen Su a quick bow: “Senior Brother, I must go,” then strode out of the temple.

Zhen Su watched him leave and smiled, then looked at where the black cat had vanished with clear praise in his eyes.