Chapter 006
Chapter 6: Buddha, does your salvation of all beings include my marriage?
[Afraid?]
One word burned like a red hot brand on Xiao Man’s heart.
She was not afraid of him. She was afraid of the self who tangled with him in dreams, wild and shameless.
She was even more afraid of the man before her, who had seen every bit of her disgrace and still wore a merciful, saintly look.
At the end of fear waited drowning shame.
Xiao Man’s knees gave way and she dropped straight down, knocking her forehead hard against the cold bluestone. Her voice was a whisper as she confessed: “This maid is guilty.”
She could say nothing else.
Lin Qing Xuan closed his book with a soft snap. In the deathly still courtyard, the sound was shocking.
He stood. The hem of his monk’s robe brushed the ground, lifting a faint, almost invisible dust.
He walked to her step by step and stopped in front of her. A pair of black cloth shoes entered her lowered view.
From above came his voice, flat and cold, as if he were questioning an unrelated criminal: “What is your sin?”
Xiao Man trembled even harder.
Her sin was coveting the Master, doing filthy things with him in a dream. [How could she say such things out loud?]
He lowered himself and asked softly: “Not talking?”
He reached out, pinched her chin, and forced her to lift her head and meet his eyes.
His fingertips were cold, like they had been dipped in ice.
There was no mercy in his gaze, only bottomless ink, and a trace of something else… interest.
He leaned close, breath brushing her ear as a shiver ran through her: “Then I will say it for you.”
His voice was even: “Last night at midnight, you clung to my neck and said you liked me. At the second watch, you yanked open my collar and said you wanted to see me go mad for you. At the third watch…”
Xiao Man broke, crying out: “Stop!”
That was not a dream. Every detail was sharp. Every word sounded like it had been spoken only yesterday.
He let her go. The interest in his eyes deepened.
He rose and looked down at her as she crouched on the ground, as if he were watching a flailing ant: “So you remember it all.”
He gave a light laugh, colder than a sob: “I thought you had forgotten.”
He turned back to the round chair and sat. His face returned to that calm, pitying image of a holy man.
His tone was mild as he said: “Tomorrow, come to my rooms and prepare my brush and ink.”
Xiao Man jerked her head up, stunned. [What does he mean?]
Without looking at her, he asked, voice turning cool: “You are unwilling?”
Her heart clenched. She bit her lip until it bled, and the pain cleared her foggy mind a little. [If it was a dream, why admit it? Deny it to the end. He is the Master; he still cannot do anything to me. I panicked just now. Why did I say I was guilty? What sin? Having an erotic dream is not a crime.]
She shook her head and said steadily: “This maid serves in Old Madam’s quarters. Your Auspicious Cloud Residence uses only manservants. It would not be proper for this maid to go and serve there.”
Without waiting for a reply, she scrambled up, staggered back a few steps, turned, and ran faster than a frightened rabbit.
Back in Old Madam’s courtyard, Xiao Man’s heart still pounded. She found Xiu He sewing under the corridor and asked in a rush: “Sister Xiu He, in a few days I can leave the household and get my indenture deed back. There should not be any changes, right?”
Xiu He paused her needlework and looked up: “Why are you in such a hurry to leave? Old Madam’s place is quiet with little work, and the monthly pay is better. Think of it as an extra job. Besides, you are not rushing to marry.”
[Right. Marry.] The thought snapped Xiao Man fully awake. She knocked her knuckles against her head, then grabbed Xiu He’s arm: “Sister Xiu He, you are my great benefactor!”
Lowering her voice, she babbled with a shy, hopeful face: “To tell you the truth, my aunt and uncle already found me a match. He is my uncle’s student. His character is good, and he looks decent. His family has a few thin acres. He is just waiting for me to leave the manor.”
She begged, eyes shining: “Can you help me speak to Old Madam? For the sake of my filial heart, ask if she can let me go a little earlier.”
Xiu He’s gaze shifted past Xiao Man’s shoulder. She stood at once and said crisply: “Eldest Grandson Young Master, why are you here? I will go report to Old Madam.”
The color drained from Xiao Man’s face. [Him? Here?] Shouldn’t he be in his Auspicious Cloud Residence in closed-door seclusion, reading sutras?
She did not dare look back. Tossing out, “I will go inform her,” she bolted like oil on feet.
Watching her flee, Xiu He bowed to Lin Qing Xuan: “Please do not take it to heart, Eldest Grandson Young Master. Xiao Man is not usually like this.”
His face did not change. His eyes stayed on the direction Xiao Man had disappeared, unmoving for a long time.
After giving the message, Xiao Man hid in a storage room. She begged her roommate Dong Chun to serve tea to Lin Qing Xuan for her: “My month came. My stomach hurts badly.”
Dong Chun pinched Xiao Man’s cheek and teased: “My good sister, you have gotten lazy lately. Do you think that since you are about to leave, you can skip every chore?”
She dropped her voice and smiled: “But remember, when you leave, bring us some pickled garlic. We are good sisters.”
From the yard, Xiu He’s voice urged: “What are you dawdling for? Brew the tea. The Eldest Grandson Young Master is waiting.”
Dong Chun lifted the tea tray and left with light steps.
The door of the storage room swung to, leaving only a thin crack. The light was dim. The air smelled of old wood and dust, scratching Xiao Man’s throat. She pressed herself to the door and barely dared to breathe.
In the courtyard, Dong Chun’s voice rang bright: “Eldest Grandson Young Master, please have tea.”
Silence followed. It stretched on. Xiao Man’s heart crawled into her throat.
Then Lin Qing Xuan’s voice sounded, even and without emotion: “Where is Xiao Man?”
Dong Chun faltered but answered: “Sister Xiao Man does not feel well. This maid came in her place.”
He asked, unhurried: “Oh? What is wrong with her?”
Dong Chun stammered: “It is… a woman’s problem. Her stomach hurts.”
His reply was soft as winter ice: “Is that so.”
He added, calm as a net dropping over her head: “The household hired a physician two days ago, skilled in women’s medicine. Xiu He, go invite the physician to examine Xiao Man. A Master should care for his servants.”
Xiu He’s voice held trouble: “Yes, Eldest Grandson Young Master.”
Footsteps sounded. She was going to fetch the physician.
[No. He cannot come.] If the physician came, the lie would be exposed. Then it would be more than brush and ink.
Xiao Man’s mind buzzed empty. She yanked the door open and ran out.
Everyone in the yard turned to stare. Dong Chun and Xiu He were both stunned. Lin Qing Xuan turned slowly. He stood calm, as if he had known she was there all along.
He gave one order and nothing more: “You two may go.”
Relieved, Xiu He and Dong Chun bowed and hurried away.
Only the two of them remained.
He walked toward her and stopped in front of her. The same black cloth shoes filled her view, like when she had knelt.
He asked, voice mild: “Does your belly still hurt?”
Xiao Man stood stiff as ice. Her blood felt frozen.
He raised his hand. She flinched back on instinct.
His hand paused in the air, then dropped to her face, a cool fingertip pressing the lip she had bitten: “Does this hurt too?”
He was very close. The light, cool scent of sandalwood wrapped around her.
He said softly: “I heard you plan to marry.”
Xiao Man’s pupils shrank. [He heard. He heard everything.]
“Your uncle’s student?” He gave a slight laugh that never reached his eyes. “If he is a fine young man, he should meet me.”
His fingertip traced along the curve of her lip, the touch light but carrying a pressure she could not resist: “Another day, I will invite him to the manor for tea.”
Xiao Man began to shake.
He leaned to her ear and paused, his voice low like a devil’s whisper: “Let him see with his own eyes… how you serve me.”